Monday, January 12, 2009

Thought It. Jotted. #1

Every man leaves his mark on the world, whether negative or positive, knowingly or unknowingly. Some are indelible, while some will soon disappear in the sands of time. Some men choose to create, some choose to destroy. Some choose to get married and have kids, some choose to become Aryan supremacists. Some choose to entertain millions with their barbed ire, some choose to gang rape a helpless teenager in a back alley on New Years Eve. Some do both. Some others, like Klingdar, labor under the delusion that they are doing something worthwhile with their time on Earth, when in fact, they are ripping the very fabric of life apart. Many others wallow in mediocrity, lacking the courage, money or nerveless resignation it takes to shove a gun down their throat, without gagging, without blinking, and squeeze the trigger. There's some things even drugs can't fix.

I have an unhealthy crush on Tina Fey...

Reading up on serial murderers, (a pet passion of mine) I realized a lot of them had one thing in common. Exceptions exist, but most of them were stark raving sane. None started out, y'know ... crazy. Something, or some event, either parental abuse in childhood or a mindblowing epiphany as an adult flipped the switch, and they realized their place in the universe. And nothing is more dangerous to society than a man who can see the big picture.

I have never actually met anyone named Orlaith...

Do you know the real story behind how Watson and Crick postulated the double-helix structure of DNA? Or how Freud got his psychosexual mojo on? The Doors of Perception by Aldous Huxley might get you started on the right line of thought.

"I'm here to educate and inform." - George Carlin

I know the Meaning of Life. It started as a thought experiment, and astoundingly, mindfucked me for 18 hours straight. I was the Creator. I was the Matrix. I was the glass surrounding the Alien ant farm. I was the Truman show. I was Big Brother. I was the Fourth Wall, being broken down again and again and again. And again. I was Zero. I was enlightened. Unfortunately, the watered-down version I attempt to present to people doesn't cut it. I Can't Explain the Meaning of Life. Can you explain the internet to an ant?

From L-R: My Sis, Klingmar, Klingdar, Parricidal Tension, Me.

My little sister got engaged. Well, she's not my little sister, she's elder to me, but with 3 brothers who tower over her, she'll always be my little sister. The guy's from New York. I went home to meet him to make sure he would make my sister happy. Then he told me he loved Christian Rock and I lost interest. Mind you, I didn't go to the bleeding engagement because my parents invited me. I didn't go because I missed my family. I certainly didn't go for all the old farts who would pull my cheeks and indulge me in stodgy narratives of their children's engagements. "You don't say! To a pastor's son? How ecstatic you must've been!" No. I went because I love my sister.

"Hello, we're murderers! Twix, please." - Definite Article

Have you seen that HIMYM episode where they write Death Letters to each other? I said death letters, Cock, not death threats. Those are better made verbally. [Wait, conflicting thought... It should be How I Met Ur Mother. Not only will that help their netspeak-savvy viewers relate to it better, you've got a genius acronym. Hi Mum!] I'm gonna start doing that. (No, see, we've switched trains again, Cock) Where you leave a letter for a person to be read after you die. It could contain PIN numbers, posthumous confessions (I was Jack the Ripper/Deep Throat/Batman) or just declarations of love to their sobbing spouses. (In Lily's case, it was Gotcha!) But I say, why write just one? If you're close enough to the person, give them an annual death letter. Say, on their birthday. In it, you can tell them your innermost feelings. About them, about their life and how it's affected yours up till now. It's cathartic, in a way. You can say the stuff you'd never be able to get off your chest, even to a best friend. For eg, my future brother-in-law is a perfect candidate for a death letter. Letter 1: "Christian Rock? Really? Could you be any more confused?" The best part is, as the letters pile up, birthday after birthday, they'll be able to sit back after your funeral and look at how your relationship soured/ripened over the years, letter by letter. I can just imagine my wife going from letter 1: "God, you're so hot! And you sure know how to kiss!" to letter 47: "Forever love; our souls joined as one, fused by the moment I first saw you, held together by a growing love I hope never freezes and dies, stutters or falls." (ThankYorke) But bear in mind, this happy ending can only transpire if you trust the person, or they'd read it! In the unlikely event they do, end the friendship when you do find out, tout de suite. You're as good as dead to them.

"1, 2, 3, 4, I declare a tongue war." - [ExGf]

How the movie Tombstone does not have more memorable quotes than Casablanca is beyond me. I counted 12 instant classics the moment they were uttered. How many does Casablanca have? Six? Meh. Of course, I'm biased. I owned this Wyatt Earp/Billy the Kid double feature comic as a child. I read that thing from cover to cover, till it didn't have a cover anymore. (Yes, I ruined my books as a kid. I remember ripping a Tintin apart for... something trivial. It made better sense back then. Or was it a Chacha Chaudhary? See, because then, it would be justified.) But yeah, watch Tombstone if you get the chance. I don't get why it doesn't have a higher rating on imdb. But then again, one of my all time fav movies, Ken Park has an abysmal rating too. Oh well. Life happens.

Band name idea#42 - Bicycle Day. (google it, I'm tired of typing)

------Ondu Shabda a Day Keeps the Constable Away-----

Ashte! Like that only! Now takeit like a man! Useful on these pesky auto drivers, I must admit. "Saar, 50 rupees to drop you at the end of the road! Wokay saar, 40 rupees! Wokay saar, stop talking hindi in that ridiculous accent, I'll take you for 30 rupees!" But I was relentless. My standard dialogues would usually include how they could possibly sleep at night and if their children knew their father was a thief. But now, thanks to the power of the internet, we can proudly tell them, "Illa meter ashte koduthene!" Meaning, "Suck it bitch, I know Kannada!" Well, that's what I hoped it meant. It really means "Too bad, I'm only paying as per the meter." Then throw in nim ajji shaata for good measure, but only if he persists. Works like a charm. Ashte!

*beep*

22 comments:

Anonymous said...

you need a hug man!

MM said...

HEY! I have an unhealthy crush on Tina Fey!

Psychopaths no, these murderers- They can all think straight, they just have no conscience. The fact that they're really intelligent makes them all the more scary. Met one actually, just the other day. Must blog about it.

Dashing you look in that photo.

Yes, Ive seen that episode of HiMum. Hilarious. That's a good idea you got there! :D But anyone I know'd totally rip open the letter the second I left the room, so not happening.

Your best ondu shabda bit so far! Laughed out loud!
"Saar, 50 rupees to drop you at the end of the road! Wokay saar, 40 rupees! Wokay saar, stop talking hindi in that ridiculous accent, I'll take you for 30 rupees!" Hahahaaha!
Thu these auto drivers. Reminds me of The Day of Too Many Bad Auto Drivers I had recently. They can kill you, they can. :/

Anyanka said...

*sigh* Tina Fey. Took me a while to convince Dad that the glasses/frame wouldn't suit my face. But yeah...every family needs a weirdo in every generation.

Must agree with Madhu...that photo is be verrry nice. And your sister's pretty.

I can totally picture you leaving death threats long after you're gone. It just seems so...right.

Brian 'Curmudgeon' Polson said...

@Anon - Yes, I'd like one. Of the bear variety.
@MM - Yes, you must certainly blog a leetle more frequently, you marvelous thing, you. When's your birthday? I'll send off death letter!
@KK - You're anyway getting death letter, like it or not. Plus a little sumfin-sumfin on your 30th birthday...
And that settles it. Tina Fey is addictive!

Naik said...

"Reality is for people who cannot deal with drugs"
- (some stoned person who's name i no know)
Hey Fey is MINE!
I like that HimUm eprisode :P. I am actually considering writing a death letter now..
Death, Funny thing it is no?

Paapa Brother-in-law you have.

Brian 'Curmudgeon' Polson said...

Fuck, okay, Naik, even you'll get death letter on birthday pa!
And you have Jinks, so I get Fey by default...

Naik said...

Pah! you can have Jinks.. My leftovers. Fey is mine!

hmm.. I bet my deathletter will have CHOPE! written on it..

MM said...

I await eagerly your death letter in the mail.
And I have blog-ged. :)

Brian 'Curmudgeon' Polson said...

@Naik - Actually no, I'm still working on how to physically embed a rickroll into a sheet of paper...
@MM - I went! I saw! I <3! During comments full problem came, and my lengthly comment got deleted. Damn keyboard shortcuts.

Wickedcookie said...

If i could favourite a post it would be this.
Ashte. Hmm. I shall try that. Though right now i am content with nodding and saying 'hmm' a trillion times so convincingly that sometimes I kid myself into believing i know kannada.
The bald headed man from Jupiter in Chaccha Chaudhary used to be my favourite venting victim. I just flashbacked to a time when i used to tear out his head from the comic and read. Talk about the insane.
The sub heading of your blog sounds familiar. ;)

Brian 'Curmudgeon' Polson said...

Yea, it's a line from Watchmen. I can't wait for the movie...

Anju said...

Nice shit Brainy...
You need to come to college more often you know.. Missing is happening!
(Btw please change my blog's name on the side!! Its not Veritas but Picturing Perception)

Brian 'Curmudgeon' Polson said...

Yea, will come when mood goes...
And blog roll updated. Everybody please go visit Anjumol's blog! Happy? = )

Daicub&Daicub said...

Man! should give you credit for that lengthy train of thoughts... I surely wouldn't have been able to pull that off... Hmmm... Tina Fey... I'm still lingering on the 'unhealthy' part ;)
Trust me, auto guys are ready to kiss-ass even, if you know kannada!I like to think I have an excellent command over the language... Until I am forced to say two sensible sentances without stammering and sputtering!

Brian 'Curmudgeon' Polson said...

Yes uh? Can you teach me how to say "Suck it, I know Kannada!" ?

Naik said...

Update no.. Bleh is happening..

Karuna said...

i loves it! and hottie picture u 've put up!
btw,dont i get a death letter?

Brian 'Curmudgeon' Polson said...

Was going to update, but then I saw everybody had updated their blogs, (including you) so leetle distraction happened. Then mood to write went. Whattodo. It comes in spurts, you know that.

Brian 'Curmudgeon' Polson said...

@Cookie - Glad you like. Of course you'll get a Death Letter. But you better not read, wokay?

karuna said...

lol then whats the point?lol

Anyanka said...

Update already!! I need something to read!

Anonymous said...

This is my first visit here, but I will be back soon, because I really like the way you are writing, it is so simple and honest